Marya Hornbacher's memoir "Madness: A Bipolar Life" was published in 2008, but her originality,
creativity, courage, intelligence, and, yes, wackiness make it compelling today,
too.
Hornbacher denied for years that she has rapid cycling
bipolar disorder, although her episodes occur at least four times a year, can
last for less than a day or for months, have landed her in a hospital psychiatric
ward several times, and may again. As if that weren't trouble enough for one
life, she has also struggled with (and written about) bulimia and addiction.
Her addiction to alcohol was key in her refusal to stick to a treatment regime
for bipolar disorder that depends on sobriety.
Despite all her problems, Hornbacher has a tremendous will
to keep on keeping on, even when her life seems like a nightmare. After slicing
her arm from wrist to elbow, she called 911 and then, fading in and out of
consciousness as an ambulance delivers her to the hospital, wonders where she is
and why. Eventually sanity returns, but she can never count on it to stay.
I, having lived in Santa Fe, was particularly drawn to Hornbacher's description of wandering in a
southwestern desert with her crazy friend Sean. When they find themselves
without food, water, or a compass, they know they could die. Through luck
alone, their drifting takes them to a roadhouse where they eat and drink.
A particularly striking aspect of her life is the fact that people who love Hornbacher surround and help her. And after her mother and father
divorce, they continue to cooperate in meeting Marya's needs for parenting that
goes well beyond what is asked of most parents. Marya's friends, who are weird
in their own interesting ways, also see her through when she can't take care of
herself.
When she marries, Hornbacher and her husband, who suffers
from periodic, crippling depression, support each other, although like most
couples, they have disagreements and flare ups. The scenes of their cuddling in
bed, comforting each other when they both have lost a firm grip on sanity, are
touching and life affirming.
Despite the challenges, Hornbacher's husband works full-time, and she freelances as a successful writer.
Despite the challenges, Hornbacher's husband works full-time, and she freelances as a successful writer.
Hornbacher's psychiatrist of many years continues to see her
even when she fails to follow his instructions. At last he must tell her she
has been soaking her brain in alcohol for so long that the day may not be far off
when there is no way to bring her out of psychosis, and that will mean spending
the rest of her life locked in a psychiatric care facility. She is already well
known in the locked psychiatric ward of a hospital in Minneapolis, the city
near which she grew up and where she now lives.
The appalling prospect of permanently losing connection with
consensus reality finally shocks Hornbacher into giving up alcohol. Her bipolar
medications and electroconvulsive therapy then work as
they should. But no treatment currently available will cure her entirely of the
symptoms of rapid cycling bipolar disorder. As a result, the obstacles she
overcomes make her talents and accomplishments all the more impressive. On top
of that, she is a damn fine storyteller.